it's me, again. i must admit that now i have a crush on someone i should not have a crush on. but i need to get it out; i need to talk about it. once i say it, it will no longer be funny or amusing or even true. once i say it i will be out from the spell of this silly crush.

this one is so much worse than past ones. not only is it like a friend's older sibling, this person is a co-worker, someone much older than me, a person at my university, someone of a different race. if we were out to date each other none of that would matter, but since i am acting like a 13 year old, i can convince myself that they are too old, that we work together,

it started almost two months ago when my friends started to tell me in how high of regards this person held me. every time we hung out they would mention this now crush of mine.

but then i realized all these other things that i can't talk about now.

because, i hope this comes out right,

this stupid fucking whore that i used to slum around with in goddam high school is telling me about her and her fat ass loser boyfriend... but they are on a 'break' so he isn't ever her boyfriend... is a total fucking douche bag and doesn't listen to her and she has been complaining about him and his unattractive stupid loser fat body and how he just tells her to relax and he does not listen to her. how the hell am i supposed to listen to some idiot talk about how much she wants to get back with him if i don't like him. uh, hello, whore, you need to make me like him before i act as your fucking counselor to get back together with his fat ass. i think he is a fucking loser, obviously, and i can't stand that this girl is always in a relationship.

and i'm always alone.

always.